Receiving Forgiveness

There are two sides to forgiveness: giving and receiving. Although at first sight giving seems to be harder, it often appears that we are not able to offer forgiveness to others because we have not been able fully to receive it. Only as people who have accepted forgiveness can we find the inner freedom to give it. Why is receiving forgiveness so difficult? It is very hard to say, “Without your forgiveness I am still bound to what happened between us. Only you can set me free.” That requires not only a confession that we have hurt somebody but also the humility to acknowledge our dependency on others. Only when we can receive forgiveness can we give it.” —Henri J. M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

Forgiveness is not a one-way street—it flows in a sacred rhythm of giving and receiving. Henri Nouwen reminds us that the inability to forgive others often stems from our own resistance to receiving forgiveness. It can be painfully humbling to admit that we need grace from someone else, that we are not self-sufficient, that we are still tethered to the wound we’ve caused until mercy is extended. But in acknowledging our need and opening ourselves to the healing power of forgiveness, we are set free—not just from guilt, but for love. In that freedom, we find the grace to extend to others the very gift we ourselves have received. Forgiveness, then, becomes not just an act, but a way of being. —DH